Sitting and Waiting

So time passes. I’m practicing waiting, non-grasping, non-attachment to possible future outcomes. I think I’m getting better at this. At this same time last year I was starting to panic. But is it really equanimity or just resignation? Is it patience or apathy?

I had thirteen interviews during the Thursday, Friday, Monday, Tuesday of the College of Architecture Job fair at the end of February. On Tuesday, I had six interviews in a two hour period. I dressed up. I wore a bra. And skirts. And suits. And makeup, and my glasses because at my very first interview my makeup irritated my eyes and I had to turn around and take my contact out – in the middle of the interview. I smiled and shook hands and made small talk. I sold myself (or tried to anyway) and made sure every company knew how wonderful I thought they were and how I would love to work for them and yes, I like to see knew places, so I’d love to spend the summer in Atlanta.

I sent follow up emails thanking them for seeing me and here is my portfolio again and please feel free to ask for references. I’ve applied to other firms, near and far, both paper mailing and emailing my portfolio. So far, I’ve six rejections, one wait and see, and at least a dozen no answers. The only salve is the fact that several of the firms which came to our fair have ended up not hiring anyway. The economic downturn has finally climbed back up the change and even MBH, a huge California based firm who was planning to hire 6-10 interns, has cut out all summer staff possibilities. I don’t know of anyone who was looking for a summer job who actually found one. A few who had internships last summer have been retained, but that is all.

So now I’m on plan B and coming up empty. I really don’t want to supervise cricket mating in the entomology labs. I have absolutely no patience for hordes of screaming children, so that rules out summer camp. Personal tutoring for the SAT, ACT, or GRE might be a possibility, but it’s not full time. I can’t afford another summer in Colorado at the mountain center. I’m seriously considering sending one of the dozen or so novel synopsis I have sitting around to a publisher and begging them to pay me to finish it. That would be the perfect summer alternative. But I’m not getting my hopes up.

Still, I’m not too worried yet, just mildly disappointed. So I’ll keep looking. I have a feeling things will work out. They generally do.

Oh, and I’ve finally started sitting again.