September 20, 2009

Dreaming Deeply

I haven’t been sitting. No surprise there. But I’ve been dreaming a lot. I think my subconscious is learning, or at least is on better speaking terms. The metaphors are simple, easy to understand, and yet astute. I’m still dreaming in third person at least as often as in first. Topics still vary according to my hormonal cycle. My out of control car dream morphed into one in which, for the first time, someone else is behind the wheel.

My pregnant dream returned with a subtle twist. This time I was only three months along, knew exactly who the father was, and my family was supportive when I told them. This is a major improvement over the usual nine-months pregnant with no idea how it happened and basic aura of panic. Over the years these dreams have progressed. It leads me to conclude that either my biology has become more subtle and has subverted my subconscious (unlikely, considering it is my subconscious and thus every bit as stubborn as the rest of me) to its cause or I might actually be more receptive to the idea of motherhood.

Dreams are more lucid, more easily recognizable as dreams while in progress, more easily shaped. I’ve always had a habit of this, but it seems only to be growing. My sleeping mind is easily set to a task, working out a design problem or coming up with a story idea, products in the forefront of my brain upon waking. I’m more comfortable within my dreams, even the ones which should be seen as disturbing or scary. I think this is because at some level, even well below lucidity, I recognize them for what they are.

I don’t know quite what to make of all this. I hesitate to call it progress. I feel that might be deceptive and only time can tell. Perhaps it is a necessary step towards dealing with stress or a critical realization has been made, or is about to be made, regarding the nature of mind. Maybe it’s just a chemical imbalance in my brain.

In any case, it bears watching – with my eyes closed, of course.

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